Supporting someone who is grieving

Supporting someone who is grieving can be challenging, but your compassion and listening ear can make a significant difference.

Here are some tips to guide you when speaking with someone experiencing bereavement:

Tips for speaking with a person who is grieving

Be present and listen

Offer your presence: Sometimes, just listening is more important than saying the perfect words. Let them guide the conversation.
Listen actively: Allow them to share their feelings without interrupting or offering solutions. Validate their emotions by acknowledging what they say (e.g., "That sounds so painful," or "I can’t imagine how hard this is for you").

Choose your words carefully

When someone is grieving, it’s important to acknowledge what has happened and express your sympathy. This can be as brief as saying:

“I’m so sorry for your loss”

Many bereaved people say it helps to be able to speak freely about how they’re feeling and gives them a chance to talk about it if they want to. Try asking things like “How are you doing?” or “Would you like to talk about it?”

Recognise how hard it is for them

Avoid clichés: Phrases like "They’re in a better place," or "Everything happens for a reason" can feel dismissive.
Express empathy: Say things like, "I’m so sorry for your loss," or "I can’t imagine what you’re going through, but I’m here to listen."
Be honest: If you don’t know what to say, it’s okay to admit that. For example, "I don’t have the right words, but I want you to know I care."

Respect their process

Don’t rush their grief: Grieving is unique to each person. Avoid saying, "You’ll feel better soon" or "It’s time to move on."
Acknowledge milestones: Recognize birthdays, anniversaries, or holidays that might be particularly difficult for them.

Be patient

People who are grieving can experience a huge range of emotions, including shock, sadness, pain, anger, guilt, anxiety and numbness. Their feelings will be unique to them and their relationship with the person who has died.

If they do talk to you about their grief, be open to whatever emotions they are experiencing. Let them know that however they feel is OK – there is no “right” way to grieve.

Expect a range of emotions: Be patient and avoid judgment.
Understand their withdrawal: They may not be ready to talk or socialize. Respect their boundaries but emphasise the importance of talking to people.

Avoid comparisons

Focus on them: Avoid saying, "I know exactly how you feel," even if you’ve experienced loss yourself, each person’s grief is unique.

Encourage professional support if needed

If their grief seems overwhelming or they have mentioned it has been prolonged, gently suggest seeking help from a counsellor or support group. For instance, "Have you thought about talking to someone who specializes in grief? It might help." There are some recommendations on where you can signpost people at the end of this page. Remember you can also ring our Support Team if you are concerned about the person you are supporting.

Be mindful of cultural and religious beliefs

You may be supporting someone with different customs to your own. Respect their customs or rituals surrounding death and mourning and if appropriate or they want to speak about it you can ask gently for them to share these with you If you’re unsure, it’s okay to ask gently about their preferences.

Don’t take it personally

Grief can cause people to behave differently, including being irritable or distant. Understand that it’s not about you and remain supportive.

Offer practical support

If you feel they may need practical support like support to collect shopping or medicines, please call the Support Team who may be able to support then further.

Your kindness, patience, and willingness to simply listen can provide immense comfort during such a difficult time.

Other support

These organisations have specialised services that could help people cope with bereavement.

At a loss – find bereavement services and counselling across the UK.
Child Bereavement UK – offers support if you are bereaved after losing a child. Or if you're a child or young person who is grieving after losing someone.
The Compassionate Friends – find support for bereaved parents and their families, including a helpline.
Cruse Bereavement Support – offers face-to-face, telephone, email and online support for anyone who has experienced a loss.
Dying Matters – resources to help people talk more openly about dying, death and bereavement, and to make plans for the end of life.
The Good Grief Trust – a charity run by bereaved people, helping all those experiencing grief in the UK. Provides information and stories about grief and bereavement, including a map of UK bereavement services.
Hub of Hope – database of mental health services in the UK, including community, charity, private and NHS mental health support.
Samaritans – if you're struggling you can call Samaritans any time on 116 123 to talk about anything. You can also email them at [email protected]. Or contact them by post at Freepost SAMARITANS LETTERS. Samaritans also have a Welsh Language Line on 0808 164 0123 (7pm–11pm every day).
Sands – information and support for anybody affected by the death of a baby. Support includes a helpline and live chat.
Sue Ryder – offers bereavement support, including ways of finding bereavement support online.
WAY (Widowed and Young) – advice for people who have lost a partner before their 51st birthday.
Mind – Losing someone to suicide - If you've lost someone to suicide, look here to find support options.